November 22, 2009
Dreamy Evening Sky
It’s a beautiful dress… Navy, long, and sprinkled with dreamy twinkling stars of a crystal clear sky and a perfect evening…
What is it about a beautiful dress that makes a girl feel special?
Is it because of all the fairytales we grew up with? The stories of rags to riches; slave girls to princesses? Or is it simply the fulfillment of a secret, selfish, inner desire for things to be about one’s self again?
I can’t help but feel a bit selfish… We bought a beautiful dress and spent quite a bit of money. If it had been on another family member—it wouldn’t have bothered me. But no, this was on me… Yes, we needed it for an important event. But, I’m not used to having that kind of money spent on me anymore.
So, now I wonder several things. The first is: How long will I suffer from this guilt? The second thing I wonder is: Is it worth it? Will this dress cover the shyness and akwardness I always feel inside?
It didn’t help that our sweet daughter mentioned that since I’ve been going to evening outings like this, she has become angry at herself for getting jealous of me.
Jealous of me?!? (Bless her sweet heart, she also admitted she’s also happy for me at the same time…)
See, for the last five years, I’ve been a “home body.” I’ve gone very few places outside of home. Now, I’m once again able to get out and around like a “semi-normal” person—and I feel…. Guilty?
Why am I confused about this?
I feel like I’m fighting my flesh—yet living an example for the Lord. I’m so torn in two different directions… And I'm learning that this feeling runs deeply in my precious daughter's veins as well...
Life is such a dichotomy sometimes…
Praying that the Lord helps each of us as we seek to live for Him. Much love to you in Jesus,