It’s a beautiful dress… Navy, long, and sprinkled with dreamy twinkling stars of a crystal clear sky and a perfect evening…
What is it about a beautiful dress that makes a girl feel special?
Is it because of all the fairytales we grew up with? The stories of rags to riches; slave girls to princesses? Or is it simply the fulfillment of a secret, selfish, inner desire for things to be about one’s self again?
I can’t help but feel a bit selfish… We bought a beautiful dress and spent quite a bit of money. If it had been on another family member—it wouldn’t have bothered me. But no, this was on me… Yes, we needed it for an important event. But, I’m not used to having that kind of money spent on me anymore.
So, now I wonder several things. The first is: How long will I suffer from this guilt? The second thing I wonder is: Is it worth it? Will this dress cover the shyness and akwardness I always feel inside?
It didn’t help that our sweet daughter mentioned that since I’ve been going to evening outings like this, she has become angry at herself for getting jealous of me.
Jealous of me?!? (Bless her sweet heart, she also admitted she’s also happy for me at the same time…)
See, for the last five years, I’ve been a “home body.” I’ve gone very few places outside of home. Now, I’m once again able to get out and around like a “semi-normal” person—and I feel…. Guilty?
Why am I confused about this?
I feel like I’m fighting my flesh—yet living an example for the Lord. I’m so torn in two different directions… And I'm learning that this feeling runs deeply in my precious daughter's veins as well...
Life is such a dichotomy sometimes…
Praying that the Lord helps each of us as we seek to live for Him. Much love to you in Jesus,
ooly!
Picture from:http://www.sydneyscloset.com/asp/product.asp?categoryid=52&catalogid=1821
Posts
Precious Ooly; It's always such a blessing to hear from you...I so enjoyed this posting...
ReplyDeleteBeing of the femine...each of us have to deal with the image of ourselves...it is and can be influenced by so many things...In the beginning how we are seen in our daddy's eyes...our mother's eyes, our friends eyes. We are less concerned with our inner person being observed as to who we are.
As Christians, and being femine, our relationship with the Lord depends on the reflection of ourselves in His eyes...and that can be influenced by how our husbands percieve us, how our family and friends percieve us...
But again we lose our confidence when we don't allow our physical appearance to be only the result of what our inner person is.
As you were sharing this...I thought of your precious earthly lord and husband, Rich...Why would you not look your VERY BEST for him...to please him and satisfy him as the treasure you are...God has joined you together, and would never begrudge you of the desire to please him in this way...and even if he loves you in 100% cotton and aprons...There's a Cinderella too...just as there will be the adorned Bride of Christ...Approach this as the royal and chosen daughter that you are...Enter into the mystery of the one-ness of your earthly love, as it is conformed into the one-ness of union as Christ is with His Church...
Let the beauty of God's Spirit in you, give you the look of confidence and assurance...let it be accompanied with the garments of beauty that will set you apart as peculiar in all righteousness and grace. This will always be a blessing to your husband and exalt him in the gate...to your children, especially your daughter, the pride, pleasure and respect in you that will influence her for her life-time...her jealousy, is her own conflict...and the work of Father God to work out in her...
As I have shared this...I think of how no matter what I do, in my flesh the most beautiful and expensive dress could do nothing for me...I avoid mirrors...my only confidence is that Christ be manifest through me. He is my adornment...
I have the most dignified and handsome husband...i am his bag lady...I do not say that as a put down to myself...It has been my salvation from vanity...I do know and understand the jealousy issue...which Holy Spirit uses to bring me to the end of my self and into the knowledge of Spirit...
This is a long and perhaps useless analogy...Better put...I bet you were absolutely gorgeous in your new navy dream dress...praise God!
Precious (((Shebet))), :-)
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for your comment on this… It gave me a peace that was not complete before.
The Lord is so good to us—directing even the simplest parts of each of our lives. So many times when He directs something though, I still question, especially if what the Lord has told me to do is something that my flesh agrees with. Lately, it has to do with purchasing clothes. I’ve obeyed and made purchases; all the while looking for the best prices possible. This dress didn’t fit into that category. However, while we were shopping, we saw many dresses that were much more expensive that weren’t nearly as nice.
This wasn’t mentioned in post above, but this special event is supposed to take place in February (2010). We had to order the dress now so we could have it by then (it is made overseas). Now the pressure is on that my measurements only get smaller—not larger. I’m praying about this as well as exercising (which I needed to start again anyway) and leaving it in the Lord’s hands.
About the jealousy issue: When this darling first child was born I felt that beauty was taken from me and given to this child of light. In one way I was relieved, yet in another, confused. Now, I realize it was the Lord’s Spirit in her—that left me as she physically left my body. What is it in us that wants the very best for our loved ones even though we still want to enjoy it ourselves as well? Honestly, I was so happy to hear her say this because of all of the feelings of envy that I have pushed down in myself about so many other things…
Oh (((Joy))) dear one, you are one of the most beautiful people I’ve ever met! The beauty of the Lord is all over you in a way most people never know or even have the pleasure of seeing in the Spirit. I am so blessed to have you as part of my life—even if only online. Please, please never put your looks down again! For the Lord gifts each of us as He knows best. Your looks are a beautiful gift from our Abba Father who loves you enough to give His most precious Son… Just know: “All things work together for good for those who love Him and are called according to His purpose.”
I love you so much dear one!
In Him who is our all in all,
ooly!
(((((Ooly))))), I must have overlooked this entry. It was a busy time, can't remember for certain if I read it or not. Anyways, was this the garment that needed to be dried?
ReplyDeleteI agree with Joy. Much wisdom in her post.
Love & Prayers, FaithAlways